The CF Novel
 

OK. Here's the deal.

We write a collaborative novel. It needs to make sense rather than turning surreal like the other continuous thread we had a while back. Post one sentence at a time.

Theme:
Tom Gordolf (009) is a British Secret Service agent with MI5. He is 31 years old and has been employed as an agent for 11 years. He is unmarried but not unlike Bond, likes women but is not in any way sexist....He is balding and originates from South Wales. He has a keen interest in media studies and can often be found browsing the internet....

I'll start...

It was a dark September morning and the birds were starting to circle the tower above the courtyard in the country-house hotel where Tom Gordolf had slept that night......

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As he dressed he mulled over the events of the last few days that had forced him to stay at the hotel...........

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Unfortunetly as he was mulling over these events he failed to notice the assassin sneaking out of the wardrobe holding a.....

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single red rose in her teeth.

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Although she did not know it at the time, placing the rose between her teeth was to be a fatal mistake....

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Gordolf was allergic to roses. Must you try and surprise me every time Penelope? Surely a phone call now and again would be more appropriate.

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Penelope tried to speak but felt a little pr1ck in her mouth,





..... she had forgotten about the rose........

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You know thats not my style, said Penelope - dropping the rose to the ground - besides, it wouldnt be as much fun, keeping you on your toes an honing my...

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...reflexes, by the way we have a little job for you. It should suit a man with a ...

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high profile such as yourself, a man with...

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a keen interest in media studies.

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and a voice like yours this should suit you to a T......

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We have recently received intelligence suggesting that the chinese have their troops on a high state of alert, of course they deny this saying that they are merely running a large scale training excersise, however there is a more worrying development which we have uncovered...

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...someone has kidnapped the three military leaders that sit on China's governing council and inserted a large.....

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radioactive sheep

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...sized device into the councils office, causing the remaining Chinese leaders to become incapacitated - we fear that the military may be staging a...

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musical version of...

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...last year's attempted Russian leadership coup*.


(*musical is the phonetic version of the Chinese word meaning "Chinese Military". This word has been spelt phoneticaly because the Forum does not support Chinese characters)

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It was a great shame though when it closed due to poor ticket sales, though a few of the stars were destined for...

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double agent work in south wales this is why we have chosen you to...

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go undercover in Ibiza as a DJ where you will infiltrate......

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on an unknown radio station

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and play the lead role in this year's radio pantomime production. It's a slightly odd one, we're doing a remake of "One eyed, purple.....

(Hell, if you guys are gonna do it :shrug: )

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haze" yeah baby...

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Gordolf wondered why they were asking him to do this, seeing as he worked for MI5 & not MI6, so didn't operate abroad.



[Sorry...being pedantic!]

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play your harp to summon the double agent Chu Chin Boyo Luck You

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is the secret password you will have to give to ranchetta the

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keeper of the order of the story...

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at this piont the drugs started to were of and reality truck him like..

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...a pile of bricks which were placed dangerously close to the edge of the scaffolding...

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and a lorry load of tea bags heading for....

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swansea not to forget the...

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bricks, which were a danger to anyone passing...

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wind whilst stood underneath them

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...wondering how long this will last before it gets closed. Then he jumped on a plane for Moscow to see...

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Meanwhile back in Ibiza on the the radio show things were becoming increasingly bizarre as

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the callers just ignored the...

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DJ and no one responded to the code words...

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...large, camel dung shaped baloon...

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past the window on the Aeroflot flight to Moscow where Penelope was waiting for.......

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...Parker to arrive with the Rolls. The trip to...

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...trumpton...

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tenby would be fast but he had to catch the

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Parker is now confused...

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via Camberwick Green and the Magic Roundabout where Mr Rusty had the secret microfiche with details of ............

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...the telletubbie house

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Come along Parker do keep up. The Mysterons will be on the trail of Marina and there isn't a moment to ......

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keep to in the flow of the...

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Narative. Have we sold the film rights yet mused .......

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Tom to the flight attendant, on the flight to Sydney...

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..Harbour, Meanwhile the BIG BOSS pondered his..

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next move. Two pages into the novel, there had barely been a hint of double entendre. This did not look like a bestseller.

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"A double entendre?" said the flight attendent "can i have one?", so Gordolf gave her one..

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on the rocks. Leaving her .....

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..... pebble dashed and wishing she was a man again.....

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You can't do can you? You just have to make it silly! :rolleyes: :) Can you write complete sentences and not leave them open ended?......D'ya know....

Gordolf woke from his bizarre dream and admired the view from the hotel. As he finished his breakfast he thought about what he was going to say to "M" about the Russian Scientist. Was it his fault? Could he have prevented it? WOuld "M" believe him?
He ordered his car from reception and left thoughfully...

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... realising that he, and his legion of followers, would probably never know.

The end. ;)