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School helped secret abortion
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I can't tell you how angry that made me when i heard it on the radio this morning.. totally appalling.
Even if I thought abortion was an option, there is no excuse for not consulting the legally responsible parties of the minor (parents). |
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discusting.... i don't agree with abortion but i understand it was a viable option in this case, but not without consulting the parents!
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You don't need an excuse - what the school and doctor did was totally legal. The only debate on this is a moral issue. |
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Maybe the mother should look at why her daughter felt she needed to speak to someone independant instead of her parent about the matter.
Any advice given to the girl by school advisers is confidential, so they would have no right to tell the mother, it was the daughters choice, she obviously didn't want to speak to her mother about it. I love how much schools get blamed for these days, if parents were doing their job then teachers could get on with their own instead of having bring up other peoples children. ~Rant over :) |
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Sorry, I totally disagree.
No school should have responsibility to make decisions of this kind without the consent of the parents. I'm not a parent yet, and yet I'm utterly speechless at how disgusting I find this sort of politically correct tripe. I would give my child to a school in the understanding that they would be looking after them in regard to their educational needs. Anything beyond that boundary would be a breach of my own responsibilities and rights as a parent. |
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Perhaps she should deliver a scathing attack on herself for failing to protect/influence/nurture/educate (delete as appropriate) her teenage daughter to the extent where she understands the consequences of her actions and doesn't have underage sex and get pregnant in the first place. Either that or lay the blame at her daughter's feet for her actions. I would have thought the last person to blame is the 'system' - whatever that may be? |
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The girl changed her mind and the mother found out or The mother found out, then the girl changed her mind |
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Is a pregnant, under-age daughter, who feels that she is unable to approach her mother about her problems enough evidence of failure? |
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If a child has any special needs, such as diabetes etc then the school insists on knowing about it. Shame it doesn't feel any requirement to mirror that responsibility.
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Whilst I agree with most of the points made, with the amount of peer pressure and explicit sex on TV and in the media, these unfortunate circumstances are all to common, even in families of otherwise well cared for and loved children.
"There but for the grace of God" springs to mind. One thing does concern me greatly, these decisions where not taken by teaching staff but by counsellors from the Mansfield Primary Care Trust and to quote the front page of the Daily Telegraph "the counsellors are not medically trained" I think this is a very dangerous and totally immoral,although not illegal act. How do any of you know how this parent cared for her child. |
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What irritates me is the all too common pass the blame attitude that so many people demonstrate today. The mother seems to be of the belief that the whole situation is neither the fault of her, nor her daughter. I just think she needs to look at what caused the situation in the first place before attacking the actions of those who were trying to help, be that in a misguided manner or not. |
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We do not know how well this young girl would have coped but to deny her parents any say in the matter is very, very, wrong. |
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I am personally not sure what to think about this. Yes, I agree that the school should have informed the mother about this.
I also think that the pregnancy should not have happened in the first place, but, as Ramrod has stated accidents do happen. We have heard the Mother complaining about how the school took the decision away from her, but has she told the daughter about the facts of life, or just relied on the School's sex ed classes to teach her. Has she asked the daughter if she followed the guidlines given in Sex Education? |
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Once again, fingers are being pointed at all those that are NOT to blame for the reason this incident occured in the first place. The GIRL had underage sex, the GIRL got pregnant, the GIRL didn't want to tell her parents...... :shrug: |
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Nope, still can't see where I said that..... read it again and don't twist my words. Sorry, but if it was a daughter of mine, as much as I'd be p1ssed of she got herself in such a mess in the first place, I would be encouraging her to terminate too. |
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She isn't yet an adult, because of this, her parents should have been informed (imo).
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OB, i think it's pretty obvious we're not going to agree.. me being pro-life and you obviously being pro-choice (or pro-nolife, whatever) I'll leave it there, I think I've said my peace. |
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No, you're right it's not, just MPO. The school/counsellors did the right and legal thing. Whether it was morally right or not is another matter, which is entirely down to the indiviuals personal opinion. |
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I am definately not anti abortion, but in this case the parents should have been informed, regardless of what a confused, mixed up 14 year old says. |
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I am not sure if the school should have advised the girl to have the abortion, but there may be circumstances we are unaware of that made them do this. Edit: It looks like Schools are bound by confidentiality rules: Quote:
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Then youn need to campaign for a change in the law. The school had to follow the LAW. Not their own moral stances. |
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Edit. Don,t know how I managed to get on the wrong side of a discussion with OB, I should know better.;) :angel: Legally you are of course correct, but I would guess that in the same situation you would want to be told, and I would dread to be the counsellor responsible, if you found out.:Yikes: |
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You get the honour of being my first red repper. What is it before six weeks then.. a fish? Don't get me started on that.. I'm happy that we've both shown where we stand.. and I didn't feel that red repping you would help me prove my point, so I won't. |
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There is no doubt that a six-week-old unborn child has no hope of survival outside of his/her mother's body, due to being completely unready, biologically, to face the world. But to say the child is actually not human is stretching definitions way too far the child has the genetic code of a human being. If s/he is not human, what is s/he? And we haven't even begun to discuss the possibility that there might be more to being human than the biochemical machine that is your body and brain. What about the possibility of a spirit? Science has not (arguably cannot) answer that question. If we have a spirit, or essence, that can exist apart from our bodies, we have to ask when that spirit arises (and where it comes from, for that matter). And if it arises at conception, then an unborn child at any stage of development is arguably as human as the rest of us, both spiritually and biologically. I am not setting out to try to prove my point of view here. I just think it is important to consider that there are alternative explanations and to avoid making sweeping pronouncements. :) |
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Having said that, she could have decided to abort, and then just told the school. |
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I understand how the counsellors had to keep the knowledge secret from the mother (thats fine), what I cannot understand is how a medical procedure was carried out without her knowledge or consent. The mind boggles.....
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I don't see how anyone else can be blamed in this situation other than the girl and her mother. |
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I posted a fact, that's all. A six week old foetus IS NOT a human. s1lv3rs statement was factually incorrect. Everyone is entitled to their OPO about spirits/essences etc etc (I'm also athiest as well as prochoice), but shouldn't let their own emotional and personal beliefs cloud a factual issue. :) |
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Difficult situation as I saw quite a few times during my surgery days. No automatic rights for parents and even stricter for things like terminations etc for underage girls, total no go area for disclosing information. I think the school probably advised her of the options that were available but ultimately it was her decision. I can see why mum is very very upset but from my experience she didn't have to be told. From a moral point of view I'm not sure, why didn't the girl want her mum to be told, what was she afraid of. Was the thought of mum knowing worse than actually having the termination.
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I am not a a parent (yet), but for me, this is about moral issues - not legal ones... It is legal to do what they did - however abhorent it may be to my own personal beliefs - so lets get that out of the way. This child was pregnant at 14 - therefore she had had underage sex, therefore she had broken the LAW. Is it not the moral (if not necessarily legal) duty of the persons who are acting in loco parentis to advise the parent/legal guardian of the child that this has occured, and what action they intend to take? If they caught the child drinking or smoking underage, I'm sure they would tell the parents - regardless of the wishes of the girl. From a moral standpoint (and this is always an inflamatory area) The girl did not want to tell her mother because she thought she would be angry - a perfectly normal teenage response - once the mother knew - she offered support and the chance to keep the child. We do not know why the girl first decided to abort, but once she new her mother would support her, she regretted that decision (and by then it was already too late to stop the abortion). So we now have a teenager who has gone through an abortion which she did not want (by the time it was completed), a mother who feels that her child cannot trust her, and visa-versa, and a health authority that made a decision with a huge effect on a minors life with no consultation with the parents, or even (by what we can read) a period for the girl to consider her actions. I for one am amazed that this is legal, and would hope that the furore surrounding this case leads to a scruitinisation (if not a change) of the law. IN MY OPINION this is a step too far for political correctness and the rights of children. would they have still not informed the parents if the girl was 12 or even 10? (some girls are physically mature at that age). There has to be a line..... On the one hand people are saying "we should not have to make these decisions - that is the role of the parent" and on the other, they are keeping the parent out of decisions that have a far greater impact on the lives and stability of the families. ok - I've said my piece - these are opinions, and you may feel free to disagree. Lets not get into a personal slanging match - lets just put our opinions on the table and if needs be agree to disagee. :ghugs: |
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Counsellors are trained - or at least told not to push their beliefs, but mother's aren't. |
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Ironic really, that this girl, as a child, has the right to choose compared to her parents lack of choice and yet as a potential parent herself has the choice of life and death over her unborn baby which has no choice whatsoever. Seems like double standards to me.
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No matter how well trained a counsellor is, it is human nature to talk in more favourable terms about the choice that you would prefer someone to make. |
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I'm not sure how I would/will act if my son came home to tell me that he'd got a young girl pregnant - but I like to hope I'd be able to talk to him about it.
But unless I've BEEN in that situation I guess I'll never really know - so i'm unable to say anything against either the girl - the mother or the school. All of whom (i HOPE) acted with the young girls best interest in mind. Having said all that - I can understand why mum is pi$$ed with the school. I dont know - I really don't, but I guess I'm going to have to really start to think about these things more. |
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ok my view won this:
the parents should have been notified of the situation, reading the article they(the school) are not legally bound to disclose details when school 'community workers or even teachers are talked to about sensitive issues, this to me is grossly unfair as the issue is trumatic for the girl and should be treated as a 'special circumstance. what is going through the heads of that school ? she is way too young to make the decision for herself, as it showed when she changed her mind but it was too late. atleast the mother of the 14 year old should have been notified to protect her daughter and guide her through her decision, if the mother is supportive and can provide the necessary emotional and informational needs as to what the child should do....... although the only logical reason i see the school from not telling the childs parents was because of some parents reaction to this type of situation, which can infact have a detremental impact on the child such as being 'shouted at' told 'your not keeping it' etc it can also be harmful to the foetus because of the distress caused. |
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.....and as someone else pointed out.....if the girl had broken the law somehow they would have informed the mother.... |
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Anyway there is some more information in the BBC report |
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For my part, I believe that the school (counsellors) acted properly with regards to the law. I also feel that they acted properly according to my morality (as far as I can determine from the article). I am of the opinion that although parents assume the top-level responsibility that the responsibility is also shared between the different parties that care for that child. Also, at the age of 14, the girl was at an age where she was beginning to take responsibility for herself. In this case, the girl sought adult guidance from a responsible source (well I should hope that the school counsellors were responsible) about what her choices were, she made that choice. I believe that the counsellors acted properly and had a duty to the girl not to inform her parents against her wishes. Contrary to what the mother believes it does seem that the girl was being looked after properly.
The point people have been making about 'what if she were to break a window' is interesting and I've had to think about that one a bit. The conclusion that I have come to is that for a start, not every misdemeanour committed by a child in school is reported back to the parents. Secondly, in those situations, the school defines the punishment and informing the parents is part of the punishment. Finally and most importantly, from my moral point of view the girl had not done anything wrong, she had made a mistake but in the solution to the mistake she learnt a very hard lesson (call that her punishment if you will) but she acted properly and sought adult guidance from a source that one would hope were well trained to deal with the situation. |
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What if the mother were pro-life whereas the girl was pro-choice? Do you really think that it is fair for the mother to be able to veto the girl's decision when it is the girl who is going to be the one primarily affected? |
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I think the issue was that the mother was not even told, never mind asked for consent.
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Let me throw in a little hypothetical situation for you here. As I mentioned above, in this instance it would seem that this girl could have gone to her mother. But there will be situations in which telling the parents could cause more harm then good if the parents were the sort who would react to it in the wrong way. If you have the possibility of that scenario I do not feel that there can ever be an obligation for the parents to be informed. |
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This whole situation is unfortunate, but probably more common than we realise (not all mothers go to the tabloids when they do find out - if they ever do) As I have stated before, my personal belief if that the parents should be consulted, however I am not so naive as to assume that there is never a time when doing this will do more harm than good. (I know of a friend, who at 17 told her parents she was pregnant, and they told her to either abort, or leave their house and never come back- fortunately her boyfriend (now husband of 7 years) and his family were more than supportive - even when her dad went round to their house, where she was now living, and threatened to "beat the living s#1t" out of the boyfriend). We do not know what sort of relationship the girl has/had with her mother, just that she didn't feel that she could confide in her about this issue. When it all came to light, we are informed that the mother was supportive, and the girl realised she could have told her, and decided to keep the baby (unfortunately too late). What we do not know is whether the mother convinced her of this, or whether the girl wanted too, but was too ashamed to discuss it with her mother for fear of upsetting her. People can have a wonderful relationship with their parents, but because it is so good, and the parents have been so supportive, they feel that something like this is going to be a cause of embarrasment for them and they feel that this may sour the relationship. Unfortunately for most, this turns out to be a false fear, but by the time they realise that parents still love and support you even if you do something that you think(maybe correctly) will cause them embarrasment and pain it is too late, as the percieved lack of trust will more than likely cause the relationship to sour. In a large number of cases love will still forgive all..... |
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Hmm! As a teacher I am rather surprised that the school allowed the situation to develop in this way.It is my experience that usually the school will bend over backwards to ensure that parents are informed because parents are regarded as an integral part of the relationship a student has with the school.It would be different IF the student concerned was in care but I gather that the there were no problems flagged with the local social services.
In fact if this had happened to me I would be just as incandescent about it.Not because I think I have the right to be consulted but because I would be the one to have to deal with the mental aftermath that an abortion will bring to the child concerned.It's very regrettable that this has occurred because schools and parents are so often mistrustful of each other.This can do nothing to help. Incog. |
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Although the parent is responsible for the child, a baby is a much longer term commitment. Once the girl becomes an adult, it will be entirely her responsibility.
At the same age she would be choosing her GCSE's what authority do parents have in that matter? |
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Any responsible councillor,health worker,social worker,teacher would have INSISTED that some consultation took place with a parent because no doubt at some point this child will need some help.It may take years but abortion can have an adverse affect emotionally some time after the abortion.I think that someone DIDN'T think this through enough. |
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I have to say, at the moment, I believe that I can smell a sociological theory bubbling away underneath all this - one which wants to promote the idea that the rights and resonsibilities of a parent towards his/her offspring are ultimately subservient to those of the State. I hope I'm wrong. I don't like it one little bit.
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That was incredibly patronising. Their stance isn't 'silly' at all. Have you ever been a 14 year old girl in this kind of trouble? I'll admit, I had a 'scare' at the same age. Thank god it was only a scare - I wouldn't have had the baby and I certainly wouldn't have wanted my mother involved, as much as I dearly love her. What about the girls rights??..... :rolleyes: |
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Incognitas is correct, if the " non medically trained counsellors" had an ounce of common sense the would have realised that the mother was almost certain to find out, and they should looked at the long term, rather than a quick fix, and made sure the mother was informed. |
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I dont see what the problem is.
What if the kid didnt want a baby yet the mother refused to allow an abortion? Is the child then forced to offer the baby up for adoption? The school made the best of a bad situation, the mother probably wants compo and nothing else. I applaude the school for its actions it made the decision when there was no clear right or wrong. Incidently I am pro choice, abortion should remain legal, if we outlaw it people will die horrendous painfull deaths as a result of the backstreet clinics. |
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i cant believe some people think the 14 year old is allowed to make her own decision, some people need to realise the parents needs to know the full facts of what is going on it, the decision affects both the mother of the unborn child and the mother of the 14 year old.
its just blatant mis handling of the situation to even think a 14 year old should be left to make this sort of decision without parental knowledge/ help. as shown at the end of it all the child regretted the decision she made with the counsillers... |
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Read my post again Kronas, what if theres a conflict of interests? What if the mother of the 14 year old refused permition for her daughter to have an abortion? Where does that leave the 14 year old? where does that leave the baby when it is born, neglected? brought up with adoptive parents whikst the 14 year old has to live with the trauma of having to give her baby away, that irrespective of whether or not she wants it. The school made an excellent decision and was forced to do something it should never have been expected to do. Abortion is not a good thing, but its legal because its safer that way. I couldnt care less about it, its a necessary evil I guess. |
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and then when they go to the doctors, and the doctor says she's pregnant, whichever way you see it, the reasonable thing to do is notify the parents, at the end of it all, she is 14, she is young, she needs guidence. the fact is she wanted to keep it, but it ws too late because she talked to counsellors rather then her parents, she should have told them or the authorties should have, and taken it from there. Quote:
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Kronas you must be kidding, Do some research on what was happening in back street abortion clinics pre legalisation. I hope there are pictures too because I am sure you will hurl and be traumatised by the stories. We arent talking surgeons here, we are talking people with the surgical skill of you and I terminating pergnancies and pregnant womens lives through bad practices and what amounts to butchery. All with no aneasthetic. But hey still because we are liberal I guess that doesnt count. Seriously though Kronas, please read up on what was happeneing in the 50's and 60's and even further back, it was somehting that can be pushed aside and is probably the ONLY reason abortion was legalised. |
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no i dont think this is a 'kidding' matter ? Quote:
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whichever way you look at it, i may be young, but i know what i am saying and im sure many others agree that a parent has a right to protect and help there offspring in times of need, i know how niave you can be at 14, it wasent untill i was 15-16 until i started to 'grow up' and change my attitude and prospect on things. sometimes decisions have to be made, if the need arises with regards to the child wanting to keep the unborn and the parents not wanting it, then something has to give and social services or someone has to step in, she should not be pregnant at that age, hell even having sex that age, im all for freedom but there is a time and place, and im afraid 14 is just too young for this sort of responsability. you have a duty to protect your children, not encourage acts of unmoralistic mannerisms....... |
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Incog. |
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forced ? who said she would be forced to keep it ? Quote:
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I think that children should have a route to turn to other than their parents. She may not have been able to talk to her parents, or have difficulty for some other reasons.
Where would have this girl turned to if the school had to inform her parents? she may not have gone forward which could be more serious. Forcing the schools to tell parents is a bad path which we should not go down, advising them to tell should happen but if they did not want their parents to know that should be respected. Under 16's have rights to you know |
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With all due respect to you all that article just didn't give us enough info to know just what the mother would have thought and felt if she had been approached correctly in the matter.We also don't know enough about what choices the health worker also provided the child with so I think we are all pushing our own thoughts and feelings onto the situation.
We are probably getting hot under the collar to no good point.I just hope that in future all professionals in this field will think far enough ahead to really think about the individual child.Abortion,adoption or trying to play parent while getting an education are all choices that need clear and careful thought from ALL concerned in the situation.Whatever choice is to be made it should not be made lightly.I'm thankful it's not one I've had to deal with personally. Incog. |
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let me ask you a question what do you think the position of teachers are in school ? counsellors ? also would you rather someone else make the decision on your future such as this, it does affect the parents after all as well as the child i would like to remind you in the eyes of the law she is still a child, a parent or guardian must look after her ? |
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If you are going to argue that in the eyes of the law she is a child, then you are also arguing that she would ultimately have no say in the matter. I hope that isn`t the argument you are trying to put across. |
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