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Q. Why did the little parasite's father always ship out to sea at Christmas time?
. . . . . . . . . A. Because he was the flea's navy dad. :disturbd: |
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Oooh - a bilingual pun.
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Can you explain for us ignoramouses?
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As Doctor Evil would say "Rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhttttt"
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Ronaldo, Luis Figo and Wayne Rooney are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, "what do you believe?" Ronaldo looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the slums of Rio to the bright lights of Madrid. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club." God looks up and offers Ronaldo the seat to his left. He then turns to Luis Figo , "and you, Luis , what do you believe?" Figo stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits." God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Figo the seat to his right. Finally, he turns to Wayne Rooney , "and you, Wayne , what do you believe?" "I believe" says Rooney "you're sitting in my seat." |
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A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase some sheer lingerie
For his wife. He is shown several items that range from $250 to $500. The more sheer, the more expensive. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself." So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. Her husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500 they'd at least iron it!" He never heard the shot. Funeral is Friday. |
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Due to the following joke being bad its not going to appear here.
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Big apologies if this has been posted before. And no, i`m not Racist, My Mother in Law is Irish :erm:
Subject: Irish Sausages! "Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman, walking up to the counter. The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?" "If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? demanded the Irishman indignantly. Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya? Would Ya?" The assistant said: "Well no". Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it up a gear. "And if I asked you for frog's legs, would you ask me if I was French? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't," conceded the assistant. So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?" The assistant replied: "Because you're in f**king Homebase." |
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Mickey mouse and Minnie mouse were in the disney divorce court, listening to the judge summing up -
"Mr Mouse your wife having protruding teeth is not grounds for divorce" I did not say that said Mickey, I said she was f***ing Goofy. :D |
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