Cable Forum - Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

Man: Doctor doctor I think I'm a dog
Doctor : OK just hop up on the couch
Man: No can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture

Re: Jokes Thread

News has come in there has been an accident on the M5 between a Police pick up van and a cement mixer. The Public have been warned to be on the look out for 16 hardened criminals. :D

Re: Jokes Thread

My uncle, dad's brother, had a stroke 30 odd years ago. He went into Argos not long ago looking to buy a bluetooth speaker. He couldn't communicate so played charades :LOL: he kept telling the staff toothache. The staff said we're not a dentist. This went on for some time arguing. He then blames the poor staff members for not understanding him :LOL:

Next time you turn on bluetooth remember toothache :rofl:

I wasn't there :D

Re: Jokes Thread

I thought this was quite apposite today…

People out here making rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow!

Re: Jokes Thread

When I was a child, my father cheated on my Mom. Later, my parents divorced.

Soon after, my mother died in a car accident

My brother and I could only live in my grandma's old house.

Grandma's sister was an alcoholic. The whole family lived on my grandma's savings. Grandma recently died.

My Uncle Andy is barely keeping himself out of jail from day to day.

My brother left home and won't talk to us any more.

Dad, now 74, had to go out to work to support the family and eventually he is going to want me to do the same thing.

Yours sincerely.

Prince William

Hehe These people call someone about room service and its just insane!!

http://www.phonelosers.com/media/hot...vice_steak.mp3

This one is just ridiculous :D

http://www.phonelosers.com/media/hot...ent_call01.mp3

Why dont people hang up straight away!!?

Listen to these amazing psychic conversations miss cleo had with people!!!

http://www.angelfire.com/space/tristan/cleo1.mp3
http://www.angelfire.com/space/tristan/cleo2.mp3

WOW :D (Was that a recording of MISS CLEO they played?? (I think it was))

Interestingly after I listenend to this and posted them on a couple other sites they killed the links... They must have forgotton those links were still up and when they saw traffic they said NO NE NO NO NO NO,We cant offer funny stuff anymore!!

Here they both are guys!!!!

http://web.archive.org/web/1999010101/http://www.angelfire.com/space/tristan/cleo1.mp3 http://web.archive.org/web/1999010101/http://www.angelfire.com/space/tristan/cleo2.mp3

Bizarre Complaints

These are (supposedly) extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and Housing associations throughout the UK:

Quote:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of them are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have had no satisfaction.

17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus in it.

18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.

Re: Jokes Thread

The Institute of Incomplete Studies says 8 of 10 Americans

Re: Jokes Thread

I think Incomplete studies is the joke, as in there's nothing after the 8 out of 10 Americans

quite clever I thought :)