Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

I won't say my mother-in-law is fat, but she wore a white blouse to the cinema, and they showed the film on her back...

Six men attacked my mother-in-law in front of me. My wifeaid "Aren't you going to run for help?" I said "No, six of them should be able to manage...".

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

Jimmy Jones joke: My mother-inlaw used to say to me "when I die I'm gonna come back and haunt you" when she died I buried her face doen and said "Dig you B*tch"

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

Fact: My mother-in-law is so huge, she needs planning permission every time she goes to sit down.

Fact: I took my mother-in-law to the beauticians for a face-lift. It cost me £500, and that was just for the estimate.

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

not very PC but just for Marky http://www.motherinlawstories.com/mo...jokes_page.htm :D :D :D

:notme:

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

:D :dmonk: :rofl: :naughty: and :banghead: in laughter

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My mother in law so big sunbathing, the coastguard had to ask her permission to let the tide in.

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

Paging Bernard Manning...!
__________________

In the mean time:

Bill Gates joins the US Army and is on the firing range.

He shoots practically a whole magazine of bullets and doesn't hit the target once.

The Sergeant comes up to him and says "What do you think you're doing? You've missed with every shot!"

Bill Gates picks up the gun, places his finger over the muzzle and pulls the trigger, blowing the end of his finger off and says:

"Well the bullets are coming out of here ok, the problem must be at your end!"

:disturbd:

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

My mother-in-law is so fat...

...she needs a boomerang to put her belt on...
...smaller fat people orbit around here...
...she earns a fortune at the beach, selling shade...

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.

The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute
steal at only $20."
"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a
result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm
broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
In Saying this, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks
at the woman.
"F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam"
"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" scolds the woman trying
not to laugh. A little later the woman's two teenage daughters
arrive home.
"Un-f**king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two
new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complain
the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at
their new pet.
They were still all laughing when the woman's husband Dave comes
home.
"In-f**king-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes,
but the same old clients..... How ya doin', Dave?"

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

:rofl:

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My other half asked "what on the TV"

"DUST" i replied
I sleep on the sofa now

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:rofl:

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This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges
his wife awake and asks,
"Why don't we get it on, eh?"
She replies, "I have an appointment at the gyneacologist tomorrow and
you know I don't
like to make love the night before."
So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to
sleep. A few minutes later he
nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a
dentist's appointment tomorrow, do
you?"

Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
 

My wife is that ugly, she was once getting changed and forgot to close the curtains

the neigbours closed theres :disturbd:

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It's not a mother-in-law joke, but...

I was queuing outside a club one night and it started to rain heavily, so I ran back to the car and found an old jacket in the boot, which I wear when I fix the car. It was grubby, but I thought I could just leave it in the cloakroom anyway. So, I get to the door and it appears the week before they had some trouble, and they were searching people. No problem for me, or so I thought. Anyway, in one pocket they found a can of WD40, and in another, a set of jump leads. The doorman looked at me and said: "OK, you can come in... But don't start anything"...

I never said it was a good joke!!