Cable Forum - Jokes Thread

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Thinking

Quote:

It started out innocently enough.
I began to think at parties now and then - to loosen up. Inevitably,though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone-- "to relax," I told myself-- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my husband about the meaning of life. He spent that night at his mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," he said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and he began to cry.
I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we had avoided thinking since the last meeting I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.

:D

Presidental Chatroom

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Ah man!!

Re: Jokes Thread

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanut (Post 36159683)

This made me laugh....

That reminds me of the last funeral I attended, there weren't many people there and at one point a man approached the widow and asked if he could say a word

Of course she said, go right ahead

So the man cleared his throat, stood up and said plethora before sitting back down

"Thanks" the woman said "that means a lot" :)

Re: Jokes Thread

As it's now getting closer to Christmas....

Re: Jokes Thread

Too soon...? :tiptoe:

Re: Jokes Thread

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanut (Post 36163272)

Too soon...? :tiptoe:

Im sure someone will be offended for you. :angel:

Re: Jokes Thread

Grammar joke

"A colon can really change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

"The marbles fell out of my pocket."

"The marbles fell out of my colon.""

Re: Jokes Thread

I tried to give blood earlier, never again, too many stupid questions

"Whose blood is it?"

"Where did it come from?"

"Why is it in a bucket?"

Just forget it, last time I try and help out

Re: Jokes Thread

My daughter brought her new boyfriend home. The wife and I were appalled by his haircut, the piercings, the tattoos, so much so the wife even said to her "he doesn't seem like a nice boy"

My daughter replied "oh please mum, if he wasn't nice would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

Hehe I guess that says it all!!

Re: Jokes Thread

Man: Doctor doctor I think I'm a dog
Doctor : OK just hop up on the couch
Man: No can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture

Re: Jokes Thread

News has come in there has been an accident on the M5 between a Police pick up van and a cement mixer. The Public have been warned to be on the look out for 16 hardened criminals. :D

Re: Jokes Thread

My uncle, dad's brother, had a stroke 30 odd years ago. He went into Argos not long ago looking to buy a bluetooth speaker. He couldn't communicate so played charades :LOL: he kept telling the staff toothache. The staff said we're not a dentist. This went on for some time arguing. He then blames the poor staff members for not understanding him :LOL:

Next time you turn on bluetooth remember toothache :rofl:

I wasn't there :D

Re: Jokes Thread

I thought this was quite apposite today…

People out here making rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow!

Re: Jokes Thread

When I was a child, my father cheated on my Mom. Later, my parents divorced.

Soon after, my mother died in a car accident

My brother and I could only live in my grandma's old house.

Grandma's sister was an alcoholic. The whole family lived on my grandma's savings. Grandma recently died.

My Uncle Andy is barely keeping himself out of jail from day to day.

My brother left home and won't talk to us any more.

Dad, now 74, had to go out to work to support the family and eventually he is going to want me to do the same thing.

Yours sincerely.

Prince William