The Funeral
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place.
The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother in law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non antagonistic relationship. To no avail,
she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother in law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.

The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would say something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and talked to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this strange behaviour, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, the women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.'
The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'

A trucker stops for a red light on the A13 (trunk road to the sea, Essex) a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you
are losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of Her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back
to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,..........

Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm driving a gritter......."