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ZodKneelsFirst
20-01-2004, 11:02
Hello,

I thought you might like to see this recent letter I sent to NTL (see attached). Read that first.




I received a phone call about a week later from a delighted woman who seemed able to communicate on a relatively (for NTL) adult level. obviously delighted at hearing more tales of customer woe she congratulated me on the letter but said that obviously it wasn't good that this kept happening to me (you could tell though, that really she thought it was quite good)(and that she also thought "MMMWWWOOOOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA"). She also asked if there was "anything else they could do for me" (mwooooahahaha), at which point I foolishly mentioned that the reception on Channel 4 was fairly poor. Which it is.

She then transferred me to one of the usual operators who seemed unable to grasp the concept of compensating someone who hadn't suffered 'loss of service' (well you can't miss what you never had), presumably because, as Eccles might have said, it wasn't "writted on this piece of paper".

Anyway I managed to get a couple of movie channels for a couple of months.

During that time I have had three engineers call round to repair the CH4 reception, and it's got WORSE.

Someone phoned to ask if I wanted an internet connection.

The day they cut off my movie channels they sent me a bill for them.

And they're now demanding payment for an Internet service which I cancelled when it went up to £10.

I just can't seem to get it right this "being a customer".

Anyone want to start a support group?


P.S. I only found this site purely by chance. Might it not be an idea to make it more easy to find from a search engine when you're trying to find the NTL sales site?

Stuartbe
20-01-2004, 11:11
Hello,

I thought you might like to see this recent letter I sent to NTL (see attached). Read that first.




I received a phone call about a week later from a delighted woman who seemed able to communicate on a relatively (for NTL) adult level. obviously delighted at hearing more tales of customer woe she congratulated me on the letter but said that obviously it wasn't good that this kept happening to me (you could tell though, that really she thought it was quite good)(and that she also thought "MMMWWWOOOOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA"). She also asked if there was "anything else they could do for me" (mwooooahahaha), at which point I foolishly mentioned that the reception on Channel 4 was fairly poor. Which it is.

She then transferred me to one of the usual operators who seemed unable to grasp the concept of compensating someone who hadn't suffered 'loss of service' (well you can't miss what you never had), presumably because, as Eccles might have said, it wasn't "writted on this piece of paper".

Anyway I managed to get a couple of movie channels for a couple of months.

During that time I have had three engineers call round to repair the CH4 reception, and it's got WORSE.

The day they cut off my movie channels they sent me a bill for them.

And they're now demanding payment for an Internet service which I cancelled when it went up to £10.

I just can't seem to get it right this "being a customer".

Anyone want to start a support group?


P.S. I only found this site purely by chance. Might it not be an idea to make it more easy to find from a search engine when you're trying to find the NTL sales site?

I like it :) -- Welcome to the site btw :welcome:

Nor
20-01-2004, 11:15
Great letter mate, welcome to the site :)

Ben
20-01-2004, 11:21
I only found this site purely by chance. Might it not be an idea to make it more easy to find from a search engine when you're trying to find the NTL sales site?

I always thought it was easy to find but then again I suppose it depends on how your searching.

Welcome to the site though and hope you enjoy your stay :D Nice letter as well - you tell em :cool:

Sociable
20-01-2004, 11:27
Welcome to the site Zod

Love the letter :)

Looking forward to seeing you about the forum I think you will be a great contributor having read it. Keep up the good work.

ZodKneelsFirst
20-01-2004, 11:47
I always thought it was easy to find but then again I suppose it depends on how your searching.

As far as I remember only the combination of "NTL" and "analogue" seems to bring it up on Google.

Sociable
20-01-2004, 11:49
As far as I remember only the combination of "NTL" and "analogue" seems to bring it up on Google.


The fun bit is it pays to be positive, we do show up if you use the combination "NTL" and "Help".

gary_580
20-01-2004, 11:59
Absolutely classic that

Tracy
20-01-2004, 12:07
I always thought it was easy to find but then again I suppose it depends on how your searching.

Welcome to the site though and hope you enjoy your stay :D Nice letter as well - you tell em :cool:

yeah welcome to the site - we can get *it* off our chests- certainly helped me, being able to express myself with other offended people.

I found this site when an "irate NTL customer" posted *his* letter to a newsgroup I am subscribed to - the letter was hysterical and ended with the link to the NThell forum - thought I'd pop in and glad I did :D

Tracy
20-01-2004, 15:37
I found this site when an "irate NTL customer" posted *his* letter to a newsgroup I am subscribed to - the letter was hysterical and ended

Here's that letter - I think it has been circulating around newsgroups and sites for a number of years, but it kinda hits the spot wouldnt you say (I have deleted ** the rude words for discretions sake!):

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived.

After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%... these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals who are, it seems, also highly skilled bollock-jugglers. I have been informed:

that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back)
that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back)
that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off)
that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed)
that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman)
and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were s**t, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of God-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of b******s you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - w****rs though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of t**ts,

Yours psychotically,

XXX

ZodKneelsFirst
20-01-2004, 16:29
I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no doubt both familiar and highly adept.

Why would NTL be adept at playing with a customer's testicles?

It almost seems like a service worth investigating but I'm sure that, as with all their services, I'll be disappointed.

ZodKneelsFirst
20-01-2004, 16:31
The fun bit is it pays to be positive, we do show up if you use the combination "NTL" and "Help".


If you're looking for help it's already too late my friend. :cool:

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.