View Full Version : Do we protect our children too much?
Do we? (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,170-966269,00.html)
dilli-theclaw
19-01-2004, 23:02
Do we? (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,170-966269,00.html)
We may not protect children enough in general - but I beleive I protect my child just fine.
ian@huth
19-01-2004, 23:05
I think that all responsible parents tend to overprotect their children, but surely this is better than too little protecting.
I would never dream of leaving a five year old child or even a much older child under any circumstances without adequate supervision, no matter where it was. You must be mental to ever consider it.
Do we? (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,170-966269,00.html)
Well I do :D I look after my grandson at night,and I would not leave the house even if he is asleep in bed
I think that all responsible parents tend to overprotect their children, but surely this is better than too little protecting.
I would never dream of leaving a five year old child or even a much older child under any circumstances without adequate supervision, no matter where it was. You must be mental to ever consider it.Thats how I feel but it seems that most of Germany does just that and yet their kids seem to survive the ordeal.....we might be being a tad overprotective....
I thought there was a point for children needing to learn to judge risks (as in the playground example), and I think overprotection could be detrimental to that. But then again, I don't have kids.
ian@huth
19-01-2004, 23:10
Thats how I feel but it seems that most of Germany does just that and yet their kids seem to survive the ordeal.....we might be being a tad overprotective....
It may be that something only happens to one in ten million children left in this way, but would you risk your child being the one?
It may be that something only happens to one in ten million children left in this way, but would you risk your child being the one?
Perhaps the title of this thread should be "Do we live our lives in a state of unwarranted paranoia fuelled by media hype?"
Like others I would not leave my 4 year old alone.
But why?
My feeling it is one of security, if he wanted me or his mum and we weren't there could it have some psychological impact?
Whatever it is I could never do it.
This is really interesting.
I bring this up when reminising about being in Saudi Arabia when I was 5-10.
At the shopping centers out there (a bit like Lakeside etc) I'd go off on my own, find the little electrical shop which sold those little nintendo games (game&watch I think they were called), or off to see the turtles in their pool, or the crocodiles.
I always knew where to meet up with them, and at what time.
At the beach, I'd go off swimming along the shore, or out to the reef on my own.
Back in England, if we went up to the hypermarket, I'd go off on my own to look at the toys, then when I was bored, head off to find my mum.
I knew not to talk or go off with strangers.
I'd go off an play in the woods behind our estate, daming up the stream, making treehouses and dens, going round the BMX track that the older boys had put together.
I knew I wasn't allowed to cross the main road, and never did.
If we went shopping down the highstreet though, I'd always stay with my parents as there were too many shops for them to dissapear into :D
This is really interesting.
<snip>
If we went shopping down the highstreet though, I'd always stay with my parents as there were too many shops for them to dissapear into :D
Yes, I have similar memories (ok not Saudi Arabia), but being relatively free and learning where your boundaries are. We weren't allowed near the lake until we could swim (which we were taught at an early age), but other than that we were allowed to get up to all sorts of mischief, which in a way I feel kids are denied these days. I don't think it did me much harm...
ian@huth
19-01-2004, 23:38
I had a lot of freedom when I was five years old, but that was a long time ago and things were different then.
I would love my daughter who is a security officer in the Lakeside Shopping Centre to post a comment in here as I have heard many a tale about young children in the centre from her.
Do we? (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,170-966269,00.html)
Interesting article Ramrod,thank you.
Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m remembering back to when I was about 4,5 and I would be allowed to go out to play in the street.My gran and mother werenââ‚ƚ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t worried because behind every curtain there were eyes watching every child most of them my granââ‚ ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s network of spies(she knew everything I ever did).I remember being allowed to go to school on my own in Woolwich when I was 7.
Maybe we are allowing our children to be hostage to the media hype. :scratch: :shrug:
I do however believe that the reason I didnâ₠¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t allow my children as much freedom was because I was terrified of Social services.
Incog.
Perhaps the title of this thread should be "Do we live our lives in a state of unwarranted paranoia fuelled by media hype?"I considered that title but thought it might be a little provcative :D
Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m remembering back to when I was about 4,5 and I would be allowed to go out to play in the street.My gran and mother werenââ‚ƚ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t worried because behind every curtain there were eyes watching every child most of them my granââ‚ ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s network of spies(she knew everything I ever did).
My gran used a similar network. You could ask her about almost all of my friends, and she would know what they had been up to...
I remember being allowed to go to school on my own in Woolwich when I was 7.
Maybe we are allowing our children to be hostage to the media hype. :scratch: :shrug:
I bet you wouldn't let your kids out in Woolwich now. I am 32, quite big, male and I still don't like being out in Woolwich at night.
I think there is a large portion of truth in the statement about media hype. We are told by the media that the world is not safe for Children, so therefore we believe it.
Interesting article Ramrod,thank you.
I thought it was as well :)
I do believe we are mollycoddling our kids much more than we were. This is probably because of heightened awareness (possibly due to the media- do we thank them for that or not?) the destruction of small, tight-knit communities and peer pressure. I don't know if it is a good thing or not.....
My gran used a similar network. You could ask her about almost all of my friends, and she would know what they had been up to...
Is the difference now that, firstly we tend to keep ourselves to ourselves, so can't build up a network of spies, and secondly back in those days, if someone told your parents/gran some of the mischeif you got up to, your parents/gran would thank them and then do something about it, whereas these days, parents are more likely to turn round and say "wot's it f'ing well gotta do wiv yous?"
As for the media, they do a great job of making people scared.
Statisticly, only 2 children are abducted and murdered each year, and the majority of attacks on children happen within the home, not out in the street.
So statisticly, your kids are safer out there in the big bad dark woods than at a family member's home.
When I was 5 I got a blue bike for my birthday. I used to be out on it all day every day only coming home for tea. One day my sister who was about 4 at the time hadn't come home, there was no panic or flapping, I was despatched to go and look for her. We ended up scrapping when I found her but thats a different story, she had been playing down at the river.
Compare this to my sisters son who is now 7, he is only allowed to play in the garden and if he wants to go to the park my sister takes him there and stays with him. He doesn't go anywhere on his own full stop.
I feel that todays children miss out on so much with overprotective parents, they are encouraged to play with playstations, x-boxs, watch the tv etc not go for a bike ride or a walk somewhere. This probably has resulted in the obesity levels of children rising to such high levels. However in light of events like Soham etc what parent doesn't fear for their childs safety, if my nephew comes here and wants to play out I'm a constant curtain twitcher. Where do you draw the line between protective and overprotective?
Well I agree that we're being totally over-protective and I think a large amount of blame should be placed squarely at the door of the Tabloid Media for using *very occasional* tragedies as excuses to press the "parental paranoia" button and sell more papers.
i think there is a general over protection by parents, but sometimes it is warranted, the world is a dangerous place and i dont believe leaving a 5 year old at home is safe as there are other potential dangers in the house usally.....
I would love my daughter who is a security officer in the Lakeside Shopping Centre to post a comment in here as I have heard many a tale about young children in the centre from her.Like what?.....I live in that neck of the woods.....
It may be that something only happens to one in ten million children left in this way, but would you risk your child being the one?
But there are always risks, no matter how carefull we are. On the other hand (talking about the playgrounds in the article) if we are overprotective then we might be breeding a generation of wimps.
I have already noticed that older kids than ours are often afraid of doing things in the playground that ours are quite happy attempting (supervised of course)
zoombini
20-01-2004, 15:26
From what my late mum said When I was 4 I has a little red pedal car, I would go out for a drive & not return until the police were bringing me home because I had been found several miles away.
But that was +/-34 years ago & I lived on a small island (3x2 miles) & things seemed much safer then.
Now, we will not let our kids walk down to the local shops 500m down the road & if it gets dark they are forbidden to go out.
There are far too many nutters out there along with far too many young kids that have been turfed out by parents that are too busy having a can of beer.
Having 3 kids, 8,10 & 13 only the 13 yr old will be left in on his own for any length of time, the 10 yr old can stop in but only if her brother is there & they have both had lectures about whet to & not to do etc.
The 8 year old, although allowed out on his bike locally (within shouting distance) is never left alone, I even have to take him fishing if I want to go..:(
I let my daughter go off with her friend to a local McDonalds (approx 1 mile away) this weekend, it being a first that she is allowed to wander more than a few streets away.
Had her mum known she would have been worried till she returned, but when she did it was no problem & I have no doubt that she will do it again.
Yes we do, it's a shame, but true ..... All of us can remember parts of our childhood where we could roam free ... but the media and our thirst for knowledge has caused us to restrict our children from doing the things we ourselves enjoyed.
Is the world today a worse place than when we were children ... I say No ... it's just that as Adults our perceptions change and that we are now more aware of the potential risks than our parents were.
Knowledge is power .... Hmmm ... in this case the power to stop our children from experiencing life. The more we molly coddle them, the more inwardly focused and selfish they become.
Cynical me ... Nah :D
Is the world today a worse place than when we were children ... I say No ... it's just that as Adults our perceptions change and that we are now more aware of the potential risks than our parents were.
i would agree with that to a certain extent, maybe as we get older our perceptions improve so we are alert more, but i think it is getting worse with regards to safety for children...........
ian@huth
20-01-2004, 16:17
There is a vast difference in the world today compared to what it was when I was a child. I could safely play in the main Leeds to Huddersfield road because traffic was extremely light and without the power of todays vehicles. Everyone in our neighbourhood knew everyone else and looked out for them. Strangers were quickly spotted and an eye kept on them.
Today the world has shrunk and the vast majority of people that you see are strangers. Traffic is both denser and faster and the roads that we as children knew as safe are now death traps if you don't keep your wits about you and for some, even if they do.
One of the big dangers of today is that many children do not know right from wrong and it is easy for well brought up children to be led astray by others. Discipline is gone for many and TV can lead to children being put in danger by copying what they see on it. Many young children have learnt how to work the system, knowing that they cannot be punished in the way that we were as children. You virtually never saw assaults on teachers by schoolchildren when I was at school and bullying seems a lot worse.
To sum it up, children of today don't live in the same sort of world as we did.
i think there is a general over protection by parents, but sometimes it is warranted, the world is a dangerous place and i dont believe leaving a 5 year old at home is safe as there are other potential dangers in the house usally.....
True, but equally, unless you are going to watch that 5 year old constantly they can still be exposed to those dangers, and I don`t think any parent can literally watch their child all of the time.
True, but equally, unless you are going to watch that 5 year old constantly they can still be exposed to those dangers, and I don`t think any parent can literally watch their child all of the time.Nor should they, for the sake of the mental health of both of them.
Atomic22
20-01-2004, 17:30
i have one girl of 5 and one girl 9months......
i am very paranoid about them and not just about abductions and stuff......
every time i wake in the night i have to get out of bed and go into their room and check on them , every time i see anything that remotely resembles a spot i have a glass pushed up against it , i wont let my eldest eat anything that could possibly choke her , if she plays in the front garden with our neighbours kids i sit near the window and jump up panicking as soon as i cant see her......
paranoid or what?
wouldnt swap it for anything though :)
I have to wonder what damage being paranoid about your child is doing to them.
It's kind of a no win situation.
Let them roam free (within reason) and you run the very small risk of them getting seriously hurt.
Wrap them in cotton wool and they grow up not knowing the small dangers that people need to know about, or not able to do anything for themselves.
I personally know of a 2yo child who choked to death on a grape!!!
TV can lead to children being put in danger by copying what they see on it.
Hasn`t this always been the case though? I grew up watching the 1960's Batman (this was in the 70s). Plenty of scope for stuff to copy there that could have got me into physical peril, but I managed to go until I was at college before I broke a single bone.
blackthorn
20-01-2004, 18:18
I work in a shopping center which has 3 play areas and on a daily basis we have parents who put their children in the play areas and go off shopping, sometimes for a couple of hours. Besides the obvious risks of leaving children alone, we have further problems when they fall or bang their heads or whatever on the play areas. We, myself included are not allowed to carry out First Aid on a lone child. We must have a parent or guardian present before we can do anything and more often than not, the parents are off shopping . This is not isolated, it happens on average 4 times a week.
The worse things that some parents do (this happens less frequently, about twice a week) is to leave children in the cars on the carparks while they go shopping.
Now this might surprise people but we used to call the police for children left in cars particulary in the summer when it was hot. We have now been told by the police that there is nothing they can do, they are not allowed to break into the car unless (and this is the surprise) it is a DOG who is struggling for air.
I see enough idiot parents every day, I`ve become immune to them now.
We have now been told by the police that there is nothing they can do, they are not allowed to break into the car unless (and this is the surprise) it is a DOG who is struggling for air.
Good laws in this country :afire:
are we over protective of our kids? interesting question...personally i dont have any children yet, however i do have a nephew...he is 5.... i would not dream of leaving him in the house on his own, he is a sensible kid, but kids are curious, we can not protect them from everything (wrapping them up in cotton wool does not help either) however as parents i do feel we have a responsibility for the care and protection of our children...
when a child reaches about eight i would have no problem with leaving them in the house for a wee while, but no longer than half an hour... i think that it teaches them responsibilty and gives them independence....
a child needs to have independence because otherwise we will have a nation of children who are afraid of their own shawdows, which is not a benefical thing... once a child gets to around the age of 7/8 i feel that they have developed well enough to completely know the difference between right and wrong and know totally what they should do in a situation.... before that age however, i feel they are still too young to be left alone
Theodoric
20-01-2004, 21:46
<Snip>
when a child reaches about eight i would have no problem with leaving them in the house for a wee while, but no longer than half an hour... i think that it teaches them responsibilty and gives them independence....
<Snip>
Wouldn't you be breaking the law if you did that?
True, but equally, unless you are going to watch that 5 year old constantly they can still be exposed to those dangers, and I don`t think any parent can literally watch their child all of the time.
but if the parent was around and aware of what there child was doing, then no harm should occur of course accidents do happen.
Let them roam free (within reason) and you run the very small risk of them getting seriously hurt.
Wrap them in cotton wool and they grow up not knowing the small dangers that people need to know about, or not able to do anything for themselves.
i agree you should give youngsters a certain degree of freedom within strict limits........
there is nothng wrong with 'being wrapped in cotton wool' it can make a person stronger more wiser on who they pick as there freinds
there will always be a danger around children, but you need to limit that and in doing so, some protection is needed from the parents side.....
Wouldn't you be breaking the law if you did that?No ... the law is very grey in this area ... some people have settled on 12 or 13 before a child can be left on their own ... but the LAW does not state this.
Any child can be left on their own if there is a trust with that child and it is believed that the said child has the reasonable maturity to handle the situation. Also they need access to a neighbour or to communicate with someone if there was a problem.
But above all, it is the parents responsibility to ensure the safety of any child.
No ... the law is very grey in this area ... some people have settled on 12 or 13 before a child can be left on their own ... but the LAW does not state this.
Any child can be left on their own if there is a trust with that child and it is believed that the said child has the reasonable maturity to handle the situation. Also they need access to a neighbour or to communicate with someone if there was a problem.
But above all, it is the parents responsibility to ensure the safety of any child.
yaha...afaik the law only states that a child can not be in charge of another child before they are 12 (or is it 14 :shrug: )
yaha...afaik the law only states that a child can not be in charge of another child before they are 12 (or is it 14 :shrug: )
14 rings a bell.
14 rings a bell.
thanks coggy...i think it is 14, because i remember i couldnt babysit till i was 14 :D
MadGamer
23-01-2004, 23:06
I think people should protect their children (especially online)
There is some debate as to what the most appropriate age group is for babysitters. Fourteen would seem to be the youngest age suggested but most experts agree that the babysitter's level of maturity and competence are the main attributes to consider. As you know these can vary widely within any age group, but a useful pointer is the level of experience theyâ₠¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ve had in helping out in their own homes.
Taken from HERE (http://www.babyandkids.co.uk/Childcare/Babysitter.asp) :)
I think people should protect their children (especially online)
Yes, and accept responsibility if something goes wrong.
Wouldn't you be breaking the law if you did that?Probably, but the law is very often an ass....
MadGamer
23-01-2004, 23:26
Yes, and accept responsibility if something goes wrong. Espically when going into a chatroom
I think people should protect their children (especially online)
Is anyone looking over your shoulder WNA?
vBulletin® v3.8.11, Copyright ©2000-2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.