Advice needed.

[Nidge]

This is not for me it's for the missus, her eldest daughter has just given birth to a daughter she gave birth on Wednesday morning. To cut a long story short she's with this chap who has been hitting her while she's been pregnant, she has photos on her phone of bruising caused by him hitting her with a metal bar, he also gave her chlamydia while she was pregnant after going with several other women while he was with her, he got her into £10,000 worth of debt, he was saying to her if you don't buy me this and that I'm leaving you, she's now in a IVA paying her creditors off, he also has anger issues which is controlled by medication, only last week he got locked up for pulling a knife on his step dad, (he has been sent for trial at the Crown Court). Before Christmas he smashed all his grandparents windows, he's been sending text messages saying he's going to have her done over, his mother has even been threatening her but now she's as nice as pie.

When the health visitor came to see her before Christmas I noticed on the file that they had written Domestic Violence baby, I asked her when she was leaving what it was for? She said it's an at risk baby

Tonight we get a text from her daughter saying she's going to stay with him at his grandparents house after being discharged from hospital with the baby, his grandparents are heavy smokers and the house is like a smoking den.

While she's been pregnant she's been living with us and not the chap in question, we laid some ground rules saying he's not to come to the house because of his anger issues, since the baby came into the world all we've had is phone call after phone call from his grandparents saying are we going to let him see the baby? I said yes when she's rested and got her health back then she can take the baby to see him but under no circumstances is he to enter this house.

The relationship is not a real one, only a few weeks ago he was going out with a different girl, this girl was texting my stepdaughter saying she couldn't wait to be pushing her baby around in the pram.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[moaningmags]

This will sound like such a cliché but until she stops loving him, she'll keep going back and she'll take all the sh*t he gives her until she's had enough.
All you can do is be there for her.

[mischievious]

This will sound like such a cliché but until she stops loving him, she'll keep going back and she'll take all the sh*t he gives her until she's had enough.
All you can do is be there for her.

I agree totally. My Sister was in a similar relationship with a drunk but she had told none of us about it. Any bruises she had were not visible and was only caught because he slipped up by slapping one of my neices round the face for crying (he used to look after them whilst my sister was at work and it is suspected she would spend those 8 hrs confined to an armchair - she was later made a ward of court and removed from my sisters care because she has serious anger issues e.g. ripping radiators off the wall and throwing them accross the room @ approx 7 yrs old!! my sister couldn't cope on her own with two other child at the time) my sister put makeup on her to cover up the crime rather than report him!! , though since she has gotten over that she has proved that she is willing to report as she has done with another boyfriend who also hit my nieces when she went out for a few hours with friends. Subsequentally her self worth is low but the one time she found a good man she dumped him as he didn't do it for her, she is locked in a cycle of only going for bad boys and wonders why she has 4 children by 4 fathers!!!


The story is far more reaching than this as I have abridged the version.... don't want to go on all day.

You are not alone!

Before posting any advice is this for you or to give to the other person, I note they are living with you and by evidence of your post you feel ill equiped to dealt with the situation. Is the fear that he will turn up up the house and break all the windows in your house, commit violence??

[tweetypie/8]

This is not for me it's for the missus, her eldest daughter has just given birth to a daughter she gave birth on Wednesday morning. To cut a long story short she's with this chap who has been hitting her while she's been pregnant, she has photos on her phone of bruising caused by him hitting her with a metal bar, he also gave her chlamydia while she was pregnant after going with several other women while he was with her, he got her into £10,000 worth of debt, he was saying to her if you don't buy me this and that I'm leaving you, she's now in a IVA paying her creditors off, he also has anger issues which is controlled by medication, only last week he got locked up for pulling a knife on his step dad, (he has been sent for trial at the Crown Court). Before Christmas he smashed all his grandparents windows, he's been sending text messages saying he's going to have her done over, his mother has even been threatening her but now she's as nice as pie.

When the health visitor came to see her before Christmas I noticed on the file that they had written Domestic Violence baby, I asked her when she was leaving what it was for? She said it's an at risk baby

Tonight we get a text from her daughter saying she's going to stay with him at his grandparents house after being discharged from hospital with the baby, his grandparents are heavy smokers and the house is like a smoking den.

While she's been pregnant she's been living with us and not the chap in question, we laid some ground rules saying he's not to come to the house because of his anger issues, since the baby came into the world all we've had is phone call after phone call from his grandparents saying are we going to let him see the baby? I said yes when she's rested and got her health back then she can take the baby to see him but under no circumstances is he to enter this house.

The relationship is not a real one, only a few weeks ago he was going out with a different girl, this girl was texting my stepdaughter saying she couldn't wait to be pushing her baby around in the pram.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

first of all nidge i wouldnt refer to that b£$%^&d as a chap !! secondly i would hope the girl in question opens her eyes and see the t....r for what he is a bully and tell him to get out of their lives,thirdly have a word with IT on your own no witnesses and make it very clear to IT to prepare for ITS worst night mare if he steps out of line.

[Nidge]

Just a quick update folks, Social Services have been involved and the child is under a child protection officer, we've just got back from the hospital after getting a phonecall from one of the nurses telling us to get down there ASAP. The Child protection officer is going to be there in the morning.

---------- Post added at 21:46 ---------- Previous post was at 21:45 ----------

I agree totally. My Sister was in a similar relationship with a drunk but she had told none of us about it. Any bruises she had were not visible and was only caught because he slipped up by slapping one of my neices round the face for crying (he used to look after them whilst my sister was at work and it is suspected she would spend those 8 hrs confined to an armchair - she was later made a ward of court and removed from my sisters care because she has serious anger issues e.g. ripping radiators off the wall and throwing them accross the room @ approx 7 yrs old!! my sister couldn't cope on her own with two other child at the time) my sister put makeup on her to cover up the crime rather than report him!! , though since she has gotten over that she has proved that she is willing to report as she has done with another boyfriend who also hit my nieces when she went out for a few hours with friends. Subsequentally her self worth is low but the one time she found a good man she dumped him as he didn't do it for her, she is locked in a cycle of only going for bad boys and wonders why she has 4 children by 4 fathers!!!


The story is far more reaching than this as I have abridged the version.... don't want to go on all day.

You are not alone!

Before posting any advice is this for you or to give to the other person, I note they are living with you and by evidence of your post you feel ill equiped to dealt with the situation. Is the fear that he will turn up up the house and break all the windows in your house, commit violence??

If he breaks my windows it will be the last breath he ever takes.

[mischievious]

Just a quick update folks, Social Services have been involved and the child is under a child protection officer, we've just got back from the hospital after getting a phonecall from one of the nurses telling us to get down there ASAP. The Child protection officer is going to be there in the morning.

---------- Post added at 21:46 ---------- Previous post was at 21:45 ----------



If he breaks my windows it will be the last breath he ever takes.

Honestly living through it I don't know if that is good or bad.... Do you think that she is a good mum or if it was necessary to protect an innocent as the mum is not able to provide adequate protection?

Easy to say that though, in my experience you can't actually bring yourself to extinguish their life. I had a fight with my sisters drunk boyfriend (at the time) we returned from my brothers wedding in cyprus and my sis uncharictaristically asked me to stay over. Long story short, he actually assaulted her in my presence because he was soo ****ed.... I engaged as I should, when he was incapacitated I called the police and they arrested him and no charges were bought to me even though I admitted when they turned up that I had hit him. Subsequentally he didn't go quietly, lots of kicking, biting etc... Resources = 1 Van, 7 Police Officers, several handcuffs and straps to stop him lashing out. Judge gave him nothing really even though he assaulted at least two police officers!!!!!!

Do you have the strength of conviction for windows? Or this woman, presumably you care for her but will you go to prison to protect her?

Again you are not alone and it is easier to vent anger and frustration in a forum than in reality.... I wanted to kill my sisters boyfriend but ultimately despite all of his crimes my aunt/uncle education won.

Honestly though this could be the start of something worse..... Social Services are never a good thing in my experience. I grew up with them watching over myself and my sister because my mum was single and epileptic. My mum died when I was 6 and my aunt and uncle took over care. Social services forgot we existed for about 6 or so years and would have been longer/indefinite if my aunt didn't go to their nearest HQ and explain they had no money to care for us.

[superbiatch]

Honestly though this could be the start of something worse..... Social Services are never a good thing in my experience. I grew up with them watching over myself and my sister because my mum was single and epileptic. My mum died when I was 6 and my aunt and uncle took over care. Social services forgot we existed for about 6 or so years and would have been longer/indefinite if my aunt didn't go to their nearest HQ and explain they had no money to care for us.

On the other hand it could be a better start for the child. If you are under a decent social service dept, the last thing they want to do is remove a child into care - they are completely overrun with kids like that. An option is for family members to intervene if possible? My parents are foster carers and have had many children over the years. Some go back to family if its in their best interest, others don't unfortunately.

[icestar2]

Sorry to hear about your troubles Nidge and I hope it all work out the best it can for your family in the end and your step-daughter see's that thing for what it really is.

God it makes my blood boil just reading about things like this. Really cant understand men who can do such things.

[rogerdraig]

personally i would get social in to see about the baby the adults can look out for themselves

[Nidge]

On the other hand it could be a better start for the child. If you are under a decent social service dept, the last thing they want to do is remove a child into care - they are completely overrun with kids like that. An option is for family members to intervene if possible? My parents are foster carers and have had many children over the years. Some go back to family if its in their best interest, others don't unfortunately.

When the missus got on the phone to tell the hospital the whole truth the nurse on the phone said your joking aren't you?? The nurse said there's no way she's leaving this hospital with that baby to move into a house with him, the nurse said the baby will be at risk. It was the hospital who informed Social Services and the Child Protection Officer.

[superbiatch]

When the missus got on the phone to tell the hospital the whole truth the nurse on the phone said your joking aren't you?? The nurse said there's no way she's leaving this hospital with that baby to move into a house with him, the nurse said the baby will be at risk. It was the hospital who informed Social Services and the Child Protection Officer.

It doesn't really matter who informed, but if you are in a position to look after the child or someone else is, you need to speak up. SS will always look to the family first. Such a shame, but I hear about this all the time - you would not believe some of the stuff I hear from Mum :erm:

[Nidge]

It doesn't really matter who informed, but if you are in a position to look after the child or someone else is, you need to speak up. SS will always look to the family first. Such a shame, but I hear about this all the time - you would not believe some of the stuff I hear from Mum :erm:

The Social Services have been on the phone this morning, they have told us that she will not be moving anywhere if they have anything to do with it, they asked us if we would be willing to support her and the baby? Of course we said yes. They also told us not to let any of the babies stuff go out of the house even the stuff she bought.

[superbiatch]

The Social Services have been on the phone this morning, they have told us that she will not be moving anywhere if they have anything to do with it, they asked us if we would be willing to support her and the baby? Of course we said yes. They also told us not to let any of the babies stuff go out of the house even the stuff she bought.

Aww, thats good of you. I hope they provide you with the support you'll need and hopefuly they'll look into getting an injunction taken out against him.