A letter from my ex

[Angelus]

Dear @@@

I am writing in response to your letter dater 8th August 2005 in regards to ###'s Application for defined access and parental responsibility.

I have been advised by a solicitor to write and inform you of why I am refusing to give consent to this

As I informed you before, the reason I stopped ###s visits was because I found him to driving without a license with %%% in the car. When I confronted him about this I was physically assaulted by ###.

Since I last wrote to you I have been informed by ###s mothers ex partner ??? that ### had taken %%% on the Monday to Tamworth to see his Father.

I have done some research of my own and once the court hears of his reckless endangerment the best he can hope for is supervised contact and even this I will fight against.

Further more I would also bring into question your clientââ‚Ã⠀šÃ‚¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s character. This is someone I see as not being a good influence on %%%.

He has paid nothing towards %%%s up keep and has proven himself to be of an aggressive nature. I know of at least 4 companies he Owes sums of money to and has a number of CCJ against his name. He has also been sacked from other jobs and ??? (###s moms ex) has also told me ### has stolen from him. This is not someone of reputable character.

The fact is Unmarried fathers have no legal rights it is a hard process for a decent father to see his children let alone someone as undesirable as ### It is my decision that ### is someone who will not benefit in %%%s life in anyway

%%%s full name is now %%% Changed by Deed poll

She sees my husband as her Daddy and knows not who ### is. The courts will do whist is in %%%s best interest. Which is not to take %%% away from the family who loves and supports her. Not to cause her upset or confusion by taking her from her Daddy and giving her to a stranger.

If ### loved her as much as he claims he would have never put her life in danger.

I would also like you to refrain from using my works address for correspondence. If you continue to do so I shall be forced to resign and seek employment elsewhere.

I will issue with my solicitors details once attained

Regards

$$$

A few points I would like to add are:

I never drove my car with %%% in there on my own. My Mother a driver of 8 years was always with me.

She accussed me of assaulting her and had me arrested for it. The police arrested me and I went to the station to give a statement. The police released me as she had no proof I had done it. No caution or bail conditions.

Regards me driving to Tamworth my Dad has always met me at the train station in Tamworth and always dropped me off there.

She said I am abusive but one day after this letter was sent it was her husband that come around to my house and got himself arrested on the charge of Bulgalary and assault

I have paid towards %%%. I am currently ON JSA and I have contacted the CSA about this. It is the CSA who has taken a few months to get this sorted and I am now paying for %%% out of my JSA

If I had been sacked for theft why was the police never involved.

And in regards to me stealing from my moms ex. I gave him the money for a online game and used his card. The following month it cames out again but I had forgotten to cancel it. He got his statement and accused me of stealing from him. I did pay him back for that month to.

The courts will look whats at best interest for %%% and let her see her real Dad

Also notice how she Wrote the letter to @@@. My solicitors name is ~~~. @@@ is my Solicitors secretary.

[Edit Rob C: Names of all parties deleted]

[Richard M]

Why are you posting this on here?

[danielf]

Just a thought: perhaps it is better to remove the surnames from that letter?

[Richard M]

I think for his own sake (and reputation) that the whole thing should be removed.
There are some things which should be kept private and not posted on the internet for all to see, and believe me, I know from experience.

[Angelus]

Why are you posting this on here?

Because it boils down to me not having as many friends on the outside world. I posted it because i would like opinions on the letter as i got no one i could ask who is not bias towards me.

[punky]

Obviously not a very nice letter, but then again its not supposed to be. Also note that the letter is from her, not her brief. They should have eben from her brief, and with correct grammar. I believe she done did this against her brief's wishes. The fact it is address personally, and not even formally to your brief's secretary is also very telling. I smell a bit of a rat there. Certainly sounds like a conflict of intrest.

She has taken a verbal swipe at you, but you will get the chance back. Every story has two sides. Hang in there :tu:

[zing_deleted]

This is real sad. Parents should try to come to terms with breakups for the sake of the children.When I split with my wife it was horried all I kept thinking was im gonna lose my daughter,this never happened and I have a wicked relationship with her now and I even get on with my ex.On the other hand I also have an 18 month old daughter who I have never seen because of her mother.

You need to go see a solicitor explain it all and go for access.Were you married??
What the courts will do is look at whats best for the child.This letter is more to do with you as a person than your ability to look after a child.I
f you have not drove unsupervised then you are only alledged to have by the mother,you will be able to see this.Welfare officers will visit and chances are an offer of mitigation before it gets any heavier.
All a court case will do is make life harder for everyone and line the pockets of some.
A child needs both parents,and being in debt does not mean you will be bad father.Why is it bitter women always say the man is violent? My ex's solicitor tried this at residancy hearings but it was no accepted by the courts,its not nice at all and I wish you all the best

[Angelus]

This is real sad. Parents should try to come to terms with breakups for the sake of the children.When I split with my wife it was horried all I kept thinking was im gonna lose my daughter,this never happened and I have a wicked relationship with her now and I even get on with my ex.On the other hand I also have an 18 month old daughter who I have never seen because of her mother.

You need to go see a solicitor explain it all and go for access.Were you married??
What the courts will do is look at whats best for the child.This letter is more to do with you as a person than your ability to look after a child.I
f you have not drove unsupervised then you are only alledged to have by the mother,you will be able to see this.Welfare officers will visit and chances are an offer of mitigation before it gets any heavier.
All a court case will do is make life harder for everyone and line the pockets of some.
A child needs both parents,and being in debt does not mean you will be bad father.Why is it bitter women always say the man is violent? My ex's solicitor tried this at residancy hearings but it was no accepted by the courts,its not nice at all and I wish you all the best

But as much as she says i am violent i am not the one like her husband that got arrested for burgalry and assualt and is on bail right now

[Bifta]

Sorry to be so blunt, but the three of you sound really unsavoury, it's a shame your child has to be caught between you all :(

[Angelus]

Sorry to be so blunt, but the three of you sound really unsavoury, it's a shame your child has to be caught between you all :(

Well i could of easily gone down there and demand to see my kid and kick up a fuss until i got stopped or whatever. But i am a father trying to see my daughter while doing everything as i should through the courts.

It is my ex who is writing personal attacks and her husband who is trying to attack me

[zing_deleted]

Sorry to be so blunt, but the three of you sound really unsavoury, it's a shame your child has to be caught between you all :(

Yeah but everyone in situations like this paints the worst picture possible.Im sure the real picture isn't half as bad on both sides.The court appointed welfare officers will get to the bottom of it in the end and do whats best for the child

[Angelus]

You also think i want my kid to go through all this.

Thats why i am doing everything proper and not contacting them to fuel the fire as such

[Jules]

How old is your daughter now Mark and when did you last see her?

[Angelus]

She was 2 in march and i aint seen her since dec 04

[Jules]

The thing is that even if you do see her she now thinks of your ex's husband as her daddy and it is going to confuse her a lot if you then come along and say that you are her daddy, not fair I know but that is the way it is.

The best thing is to let the courts sort it out and go on what they advise. It may be a case of you getting visitation but as "Mark" and not "daddy" :(

[AndrewJ]

The thing is that even if you do see her she now thinks of your ex's husband as her daddy and it is going to confuse her a lot if you then come along and say that you are her daddy, not fair I know but that is the way it is.

The best thing is to let the courts sort it out and go on what they advise. It may be a case of you getting visitation but as "Mark" and not "daddy" :(

agreed :tu:

[atlantis]

Mark,
Best advise anyone can give you is to search long and hard for a local solicitor who specialises in "Family Law", not all ordinary solicitors do, sad to say.
I found one, via the internet of all things, and it was a breath of fresh air when I first went to see her (The family law solicitor), I was told on entering the room that she was not interested in me, nor my ex, only the children involved, that I must me honest in everything I was to say to her, and from that moment on, she has, and is, working like a bat out of hell for my kids.
We are at the stage now where we all will be interviewed by a court appointed CAFCASS officer, and believe me when I say, only the truth will be passed on to the court officials involved, they can see through any lies the parents involved come up with!

[andygrif]

It is not my place to make a comment about private and personal issues of people I don't know - so I will refrain.

However, it is not advisable to publish a letter (without the persmission of the author) and it is not advisable to identify several individuals (even first names when used in conjunction with other first names can clearly identify someone).

Above all, the internet is forever - do you really want the child who is caught up in the middle of the disagreement to stumble across this discussion in the years to come?

Whilst I am certain that this is a difficult time for all concerned, I urge you to remove this letter (or at least keep it general).

Food for thought, I hope.

[etccarmageddon]

it's heartbreaking that a child is being used in this way. it's not her job to decide that Mark isn't a good enough father and therefore can not see his child. how cruel can some people be?

[aliferste]

I dont think it is right publishing a minors name on the net!

[clarie]

I agree. I think the names of people involved must be removed here.

I hope that a fair agreement is reached that is in the best interests of everyone concerned.

[danielf]

I agree. I think the names of people involved must be removed here.


I suggested this (regarding surnames) in post #3. Frankly I'm surprised they're still there... :shrug:

[MovedGoalPosts]

Names of all parties in the original post have been deleted to protect the privacy of those involved.

It would be better, if such posts must be made (and they have the permission of the copyright owner to publish such documents), that OPs edit mail to remove names, perhaps using aliases, and making it clear that names are aliases.

[me283]

Jeez, I thought my divorce was nasty!

What can I say? I don't know the parties involved, so this is pretty general. It seems like there's a lot of hurt involved here; the adults will just take swipes (verbally), and bounce back. But somewhere in the middle is a little girl who probably doesn't understand it, but who will grow up knowing that there has been a level of hatred on either, or both sides. Even if she doesn't know you as her dad right now, she will at some stage. And at that point, how will she feel?

I admire your bravery in posting such a personal letter, and you are obviously going through a tough time; if I were to hear your ex's side, I am sure it would be different, but also pretty tough. But if I could hear your daughter's side, it would probably be a version that has a lot of fear in it.

The advice to get a solicitor is the best I can think of. Also, it may not be easy, but just waiting in the wings until something is sorted out will be for the best. It may be hard now, but at least you can only be described as doing what is best for your daughter.

Whether you are right or wrong in what you say, I wish you all the best. At 2 years old a child can very perceptive, and it would be in everyone's interests if she grows up with a mine of happy thoughts and memories of her childhood.

Good luck.

[Flubflow]

Her solicitor, if internet savvy, might google sections of that letter and find this forum thread. Whether that will go against you I'm not sure but at least they will be able to see how you are thinking and perhaps pre-empt your next move.
Due to its sensitive nature I think this thread should be completely scrubbed and you can start it again but only paraphrasing instead of repeating it verbatim so as not to be itentifiable in any way.

[cookie_365]

Get yourself a solicitor (http://www.clsdirect.org.uk). Now.